If you’re at war with your body’s limitations or bullying yourself into the poses, you’re missing 90% of your yoga practice, and the most fundamental principle: ‘ahimsa’. There’s no bullying in yoga. 
 
Folding yourself in half or forcing your ankle behind your ear is more likely to take you down a path to your physiotherapist’s office than it is to take you down a path to inner peace. Be careful not to place too much stock in the shapes of the poses. You get better at what you practice, so it’s most important that you practice includes adopting an attitude of compassion and curiousity towards yourself.
 
TAKE A SAVASANA

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have in your possession.  Everything begins as a thought in your head.  Many of us carry the belief – consciously or unconsciously, that we are not enough. The predominant cultural messaging we live with is that we need more – to do more, to get more, to be more – more money, more Instagram followers, more success, more thin, more beautiful, more fit, etc… so we can finally be enough. 

Instead of trying to get somewhere else or become a new and improved version of yourself, Savasana asks you to find comfort and peace in who you are right now: to lie down, look inside yourself; disentangle yourself from the external messaging that you’re somehow inadequate, and engage with yourself for long enough to notice that you are enough – just as you are.  You have everything you need in the present moment.  You are already whole.  There is nothing you can add to yourself that will make you more complete. 

EXHALE DEEPLY

Your breath is always with you – which is fortunate – because it’s also a super simple & powerful tool for shifting your state of mind.  And you can use it anywhere, anytime.  Long exhalations are soothing for your nervous system and calming for your body and mind.  Try this:
Close your mouth and inhale through your nose as you count to four.  Then exhale for a count of 8.  That’s it!  Easy peasy!  Long exhalations stimulate your body’s relaxation response. 

APPROACH CONFLICT WITH CURIOSITY 

Once upon a time, I went to school to become a mediator.  Plans changed.  I went on to study philosophy.  In those 8 years of study, I learned a lot about arguing, and how to skillfully engage with people and ideas I don’t agree with.  In mediation class, we used a textbook called ‘Getting to Yes’ to guide our practice in resolving conflicts.  That book had some of the most helpful pieces of advice I’ve ever read for resolving disagreements peacefully:

1. Separate the people from the problem (don’t attack people)
2. Focus on interests; not positions (find common ground)
3. Put yourself and the other person on the same side of the problem (You and Me vs. problem; not You vs Me)

I’ve been using these strategies to help peacefully navigate my way through difficult conversations for my entire adult life.  Many people haven’t had practice or instruction in how to deal productively with conflicts (I see you, internet!). It’s helpful to keep this in mind and forgive ourselves and each other when we get it wrong. 

Disagreements are part of life.  Just about every subject worth discussing (politics, religion, public health policy, the best way to raise children, etc) carries the risk of conflict.  But there's also usually some common ground. And it’s important to be willing to find common ground - so that you can engage in a productive conversation.  In the words of world debate champion, Julia Dhar, ‘If we are more focused on what makes us different than the same, then every debate is a fight.” 

When you find yourself in a hard conversation where someone holds a different position than you (on vaccinations, for example), it's important to:
​

1. Start with the assumption that the other person is basically good and worth hearing out. If you begin by writing off a person/position as ‘stupid’, a ‘sheeple’ or ‘anti-vax/anti-science’, that conversation probably won’t lead anywhere constructive.
2. Enter into the conversation in search of understanding, rather than trying to convert them to your position.  Greet the other person with curiosity, rather than judgment.  That allows you to…
3. Find common ground and shared interests.  You might discover that you both have an interest in good health.  From there you can have a conversation about your ideas about how to deal with the problem: the virus that threatens the thing you both care about – good health    

Even if no one changes their mind, you’ve likely glimpsed one another’s humanity, and learned about seeing the world through someone else’s eyes.  That makes it harder to make someone an ‘other’ or an ‘enemy’.  And that alone has value IF you are interested in practicing peace. 

To learn more about the art of constructive conversations and negotiations, I recommend reading Getting to Yes.  Or check out these talks with world debate champion  Julia Dhar. 
​

RADIATE PEACEFUL VIBES

Bolster your decision to practice peace by radiating good will to yourself and others through meditation.   Sit comfortably. Close your eyes.  Take a few deep breaths. Relax.  Visualize yourself and say:   

May you have peace
In your body
your breath
your mind
your heart
your relationships

Repeat those words, sending goodwill out to others

1. To loved ones
2. To a difficult person/people
3. To all beings everywhere

​
Instead of attempting to wrestle your body, mind, or other people into submission, a lot of peace-building activity boils down to trading in an attitude of coercion for one of curiosity.  Peacefulness is a way of approaching life without violence or prejudice, and without thinking of others as ‘enemies’.  It’s a way of approaching conflict that is collaborative and values relationships.  Practicing peacefulness isn’t easy.  It requires tremendous patience, compassion and skill.  Like any skill, you can get better at it - with practice.  If you want to make peace in the world, start practicing from the inside out.  

We’re emerging from pandemic isolation and re-integrating into social life.  That means dealing with the strange and bewildering world of other people again.  If you’ve ever met other people, you know they can bring out the best or the worst in you.  The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the original guide to practicing yoga written 2500+ years ago, has some sage advice about the timeless problem of dealing with other people. 

According to the Yoga Sutras, there are 4 basic kinds of people you'll need to deal with in life:

1. Happy people
2. Unhappy people
3. Virtuous people
4. Wicked people

In Swami Satchidananda’s commentary on this Yogic teaching (Sutra I.33), he says “By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.”

Keep in mind that the whole aim of yoga is to quiet your own mind. The only thing you can control about other people is the way you react to them.  So, for the sake of your own sanity and serenity, yoga suggests that you adjust your attitude towards people in one of 4 ways, depending on who you're dealing with: 

Happy People: be friendly towards them
Unhappy People: be compassionate
Virtuous People : delight in them
Wicked People: treat them equanimity/indifference

Satchidananda says that “If you use the right key with the right person, you will retain your peace.”

1.Dealing with happy people. 
Key Attitude – Friendliness (Maitri)

Even 2500 years ago, there were people that weren’t happy about seeing other people happy. Some things never change. It's also a pretty common problem. You might be able to recall moments in your life where something great happened to someone else (they won a lottery, got a promotion, took a dream vacation) and instead of being happy for them, you felt the sting of frenvy: the feeling of being jealous or envious of a friend's good fortune.  Maitri (friendliness) is the cure for that awful feeling. 

The weird thing about jealousy and envy is that they don't trouble the other person, they only trouble you - and disturb your own peace of mind.  When you catch yourself feeling this way, try replacing jealous thoughts with friendly ones, like “I’m happy that you’re happy.”  Repeat.  It might feel really unnatural at first, but with practice genuine feelings of happiness begin to grow.  You can expand that into a full-on meditation and send practice being happy for your own happiness, then radiate that feeling outward toward every happy person you can think of. Repeat the following phrases, throwing as much sincerity behind them as you can muster up:

I’m happy that you’re happy.
May your happiness continue.
May your happiness grow. 
May your happiness keep growing and expanding. 
 
The best part?  When you swap jealousy for happiness, you become happier!  Win-win. 
 
2.How to deal with unhappy people
Key Attitude – Compassion (Karuna)

Unhappy people. Ugh. They sure have a way of spreading around their dis-ease.  Patanjali’s key to dealing with unhappy people is to show them compassion. 

I was enjoying coffee on a patio a few weeks ago when a woman sat down at the table next to me and launched into a stream of consciousness rant about everything that’s wrong with the world according to the morning news.  If you've read the news lately, you know there's a lot that's wrong.  I really just wanted to enjoy my beautiful cup of coffee … on the patio … in the sunshine … and enjoy the moment after 16 months of pandemic-ing.   I wished she would just. stop. talking.  Her unhappiness was disturbing my mind.  Then I remembered this teaching on compassion for unhappy people – the “Just Like Me” compassion practice – and decided to give it a try.  As she was talking, I reminded myself of all the things we had in common: 

This person wants to connect with others, just like me.
This person cares about other people, just like me.  
This person worries about the state of the world, just like me. 
This person wants to be content with life, just like me.
This person is learning about life, just like me. 

And so on...

Then her husband came with coffee and sat down, and our conversation came to an end.  The amazing thing is that this practice really did soothe my mind.  By the time she was finished talking at me, I felt a lot less irritated.  I used the compassion key – and it actually unlocked a sense of serenity with the situation.   

Thank you for another winning life hack, yoga!
 
Here’s Pema Chodron explaining this wonderful teaching.

3 .How to deal with virtuous people
Key Attitude – Be Delighted By Them (Mudita)

Appreciate the way they use their gifts and talents for the benefit of the world, and try to imitate their great qualities.  Don’t hate on the David Suzukis and Oprah Winfreys of the world for being ‘do gooders’; don’t try to drag them down or poke holes in them.  Everyone has flaws. Don't let that stop you from recognizing the good in people. Appreciate virtuous qualities when you see them in others and aspire emulate them in your own life. 

How?

• Donate money or volunteer your time to help other people
• Go greener
• Stand up for what you know is right. Get politically active.   
• Practice ethical shopping

You don't have to do any of it perfectly.  Just do something good and right because it's good and right. When you do, you've contribute to the overall amount of goodness in the world.  Be delighted with yourself and everyone else that is striving in any way to make the world a kinder place.  Yay, you!

4. How to deal with wicked (non-virtuous) people
Key Attitude – Treat Them With Indifference, Equanimity (Upeksha)

This is a tough one. How do you get to a place where morally bankrupt people do NOT disturb your mind?  They sure disturb mine, but I'm working on it and inching my way slowly in that direction. 

First, let's understand that if someone really doesn’t care about the way their actions affect other people, there is very little you can do about them.  So, focus on yourself. 
As George Bernard Shaw once said, “Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”

When you cultivate an attitude of equanimity, you can still be moved by injustice in the world and motivated to make things better.  BUT, you prioritize hanging on to your serenity in the process.  Mindfulness meditation practice is a wonderful way to build your skill at noticing thoughts and emotions without getting swept up in them.  So, when you encounter people that trigger strong thoughts and reactions, instead of responding reactively, you can just NOT TAKE THE BAIT.  Mindfulness teaches you how to sit back, take a pause, and choose peace of mind instead.   

Try this meditation for Cultivating Equanimity with Diana Winston: 

These four key attitudes (friendliness, compassion, delight and indifference) are known as the Brahmaviharas.  Keep these keys in your pocket always.  When you use the right key with the right person, you unlock the possibility of serenity in your relationships with others.  

"How long should you hold a yoga pose?"
Someone asked that question last week in yoga teacher training. 

Meet Amar Bharti Ji (above).
He says he’s been holding his right arm up in the air since 1973. His story goes like this: Amar was an average middle-class family man. Then, one morning in 1970, he woke up and decided to dedicate his life to Shiva. He left his job, family and friends to dedicate himself to his spiritual practice.

Three years later, feeling he was still too connected to mortal life, Amar decided to make a sacrifice - his right arm. He raised it as a sign of his devotion - and never put it back down. Amar's sacrifice means his arm is no longer functional. He experienced years of excruciating pain. But the pain has now passed - and his arm is atrophied and frozen in this position.

Most of us would probably agree that 48 years is waaaay longer than we’d care to spend in any yoga pose. But you probably also have different goals for your practice than Amar does. So, how long should YOU hold a yoga pose? IT DEPENDS. On what YOU want to get out of your practice.

Do you want to relax? Build strength? Increase flexibility? Get a quick energy boost? Find enlightenment?

The key to getting the most out of your yoga practice lies in matching the goal you’re trying to achieve with the right kind of practice.  

And the kind of practice you do will determine how long you hold your poses. 
So, a great place to start answering the question 'how long should you hold a yoga pose?' is by identifying your goals.  For example:

• If you want to get some cardio in while increasing your strength and stamina, a fast flowing-style practice, where poses are held for 1-5 breaths, will help you meet that goal

 

• If you want to practice body awareness and refine your alignment, try a Hatha or Iyengar yoga practice.  In these styles you’ll hold most poses for 30 – 90 seconds (or longer)

 

• To relax and improve your flexibility, try a Yin style practice (you’ll hold most poses somewhere between 1 – 10 minutes)

 

• If de-stressing is a priority, then a restorative practice might be the best choice for you.  In which case you might hold a supported yoga pose for 5- 30 minutes.

But before we dig any deeper into the benefits of different kinds of yoga practice,  we’ll need to take a quick detour into some movement science.  Here's a short video that walks you through the 3 basic styles of stretching we use in yoga practice and how they affect your body/mind. 

1. Dynamic Stretching
2. Active Static Stretching
3. Passive Static Stretching

Benefits of Long Hold Times in Static Poses
Restorative Yoga, Yin Yoga and Iyengar Yoga are a few examples of practices that are famous for using long hold times – but they do it in dramatically different ways to achieve completely different outcomes. 

Iyengar Yoga
In Iyengar Yoga there’s a strong focus on alignment and on holding active static poses.  This style of practice helps you:

• Increase strength and endurance. The more you practice holding a plank or a Warrior II, the easier it gets.
• Improve balance.  Static balance practice works your core and ankle stabilizer muscles; improves joint stability and enhances your ability to focus and concentrate. Your ability to balance is a ‘use-it-or-lose-it’ thing.  Ability tends to deteriorate as you age. The best way to maintain/improve your ability to balance is to practice.
• Practice mindfulness and improve your proprioception: your ability to sense your body’s position.  Long holds give you the time you need in a pose to refine your technique & improve your body awareness. 
• Improve strength and flexibility

I asked one of my early yoga teachers, Nesta Falladown, a certified Iyengar Yoga teacher, how long you should hold a yoga pose. She had a long list of 'it depends' in addition to the ones we've already covered.  She says:

            “it depends on experience in practice, age of the student, how they
            feel at the time of practice, what it is they need on that particular day,
            what their state of mind is, weather, the level of difficulty of the asana,
            the state of the breath …”  She goes on to say that ' A short answer and good guideline is
            to start with shorter holdings and build up.  Start with 15 seconds
            or less if stamina is not strong.

BKS Iyengar suggests holding:

• Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II) 20 - 30 seconds (as it is a more powerful asana)
• Utthita Trikonasana (Triangle ) 30 - 60 seconds
• an inversion such as Salamba Sarvangasana, 5-15 minutes, so the blood has time to circulate completely several times. 
• Restorative asanas - 6 minutes minimum.

She recommends reading “Light on Yoga” or “Yoga: A Gem for Women” for more specific detail on how to perform each asana from the Iyengar perspective.  

If you specifically want to increase your flexibility, the current ACSM (American College of Sports Medicine) exercise guidelines are to do static stretching:

• at least 2 – 3 x per week
• to the point of feeling tightness or slight discomfort
• 10 – 30 seconds (for most adults).  Though 30 – 60 seconds might have greater benefits for older adults
• for each of the major muscle groups  

Yin Yoga
Yin Yoga focuses on long holds of passive static poses and gentle stretching.  This style of practice helps you:

• Increase flexibility
• Feel good. Stretching just plain feels good.  That’s enough of a reason to do it.
• Relax and de-stress.  Stretching activates your relaxation response and inhibits your stress response
• Reduce pain.  This style of practice can decrease your pain.  But, you should note that stretching has an analgesic effect. It acts like a painkiller – and, like any painkilling medication, the effects wear off.  If your pain or discomfort is temporarily relieved by stretching, but comes back with a vengeance a few hours later, stretching may actually be doing you more harm than good.  A strength-based practice might be more appropriate and you should probably consult with a professional, if this is the case.

Restorative Yoga
Restorative Yoga focuses on holding passive static poses for long periods of time.  In Restorative, you’re aiming to get into a position that’s completely comfortable and just relax - without stretching or strengthening anything.  Restorative yoga:

• Teaches you to be relaxed and awake at the same time.  You’ll get into positions that are so comfortable you could fall asleep in them.  But instead of doing that, you’ll remain awake and alert. 
• Just plain feels good.
• Reduces stress.  You’ve likely heard that stress is the #1 cause of disease.  Take care of your need for rest and recovery so your stress levels don’t build up and overwhelm your system.  Stress manifests itself as a variety of physical, mental and emotional problems.  Consider your restorative practice as a sort of an inoculation against the harmful effects of stress.  It turns out that lying down on the floor and doing nothing can do wonders for your health and well-being.
• Refreshes you.  A good restorative practice is like a mini vacation.  Take a break from the pressures of life, retreat to your inner world, rest deeply there, and emerge refreshed and ready to take on the world.  You need rest and recovery time as much as you need to get things done. It’s called balance.
• Can help you sleep better -  If you can learn to turn off your stress response, you can fall asleep more quickly and stay asleep longer.
• Pain reduction and improved quality of life.  Relaxation training has helped people suffering from all manner of chronic conditions, including: headaches, back pain, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, TMJ disorder and IBS, to name a few.

Benefits of Short Hold Times in Dynamic Poses
Vinyasa Flow and Ashtanga-style yoga practices use dynamic stretching, which helps you:

• Improve coordination – quick transitions from one pose to the next may initially have you scrambling to keep up, but you’ll master it with practice.
• Practice mindfulness – your thoughts will be focused on coordinating your breath with your movement for the entire duration of the class.
• Increase strength and flexibility – because of all those vinyasas.
• Experience the joy of movement – many flow teachers are gifted at choreographing sequences and transitions that surprise and delight.
• Improve cardiovascular health – when you’re in each pose for just 1-5 breaths, you’re moving at a pretty quick clip.  This increases your heart rate and moves you into the aerobic exercise zone. 
• Increases stamina – eventually you will be able to stay in motion for a longer period of time without feeling fatigued. 
• Realize you can do just about anything for one breath – Ashtanga yoga taught me I could get through difficult situations off the mat the same way I get through difficult poses on the mat - one breath at a time. 

Sometimes you’ll experience several of these styles of movement within a single yoga practice. This often happens under the umbrella of ‘Hatha’ Yoga. And, of course, every yoga practice with a Restorative Savasana. 

So, how long should you hold a yoga pose?  It depends.

Whether you’re challenging yourself to lie down and relax for 20 minutes, to hold a plank for 30 seconds, to get to the end of a 70-minute dynamic Vinaysa Flow - or to hold your arm in the air for the rest of your life as a sign of devotion – the point is to meet YOUR goals and transform YOUR limits, whatever they may be … and however long it takes. 
 
 
Resources:
These stretching and flexibility guidelines are in Table 5.6 of ACSM's Guidelines for Exercise Testing and Prescription, 11th Edition.